Going through a break up can be impactful and emotional. Suddenly all your future goals and dreams are pulled from underneath your feet and you feel you may never find love again. The most important reminder you can give yourself during these hard times is that you are not alone and these feelings of grief and sadness will not last forever. This blog probably won’t mend your heavy, broken hearts, but the hope is that it will help you get through those days where colours look faded and love seems like an illusion meant to occupy our minds temporarily.
Love lost is not love failed
Grieving is completely normal after a break up. It’s possible that, not only did you lose your significant other but you lost your best friend. The one who knew all your secrets, pain, growth, insecurities, strengths, and more. If you feel you need to let the tears flow, let them. Bottling up these feelings and emotions can lead to an overwhelming outburst, whereas a good healthy cry every once and a while can be cathartic and emotionally beneficial. You may also feel anger, discouraged, hurt, fear, loneliness, shock, etc. All emotions you feel are valid and normal during this time, try to not be hard on yourself and allow yourself to work through what you’re feeling.
“Brain scans of people recently out of a relationship have revealed that social pain (the emotional pain from a breakup or rejection) and physical pain share the same neural pathways.”
- Karen Young (Your Body During a Break up)
It’s okay to sit and reflect with your own thoughts and feelings but it’s important to know that you have support when it is needed. I can’t emphasize this enough. You may feel like just curling up under your covers and lay in the dark all day, avoiding everyone and everything. You may feel pain so deep that you want to just sit with it until it passes. Your body may feel tired and weak, you may have muscle aches and stomach cramps. It doesn’t matter, call your friends, text your friends, and cry to your friends. Some of them may have been through this pain you feel so isolated in. Your friends are going to be the ones to remind you of who you are as an individual and how they love you for you and not for your relationship. You may fear you have lost some friends from this break up, but keep reaching out until you get the comfort you need. There may also be some family members you reach out to for help as well. If you feel like it may not be possible to connect with your friends or family in the way that you need, do not feel shy to reach out to some of the services the University offers that help with coping through these changes, such as break-up group and workshop services offered by the Student Counselling Centre.
Student Counselling Centre (SCC)
Attend a workshop, group session, or individual counselling. Free for UofM students!
474 UMSU University Centre
Phrases that may help you when you’re feeling down
"Everything will be okay, you won't feel this way forever."
“It’s going to take time to be okay with the little things that remind you of them but you WILL get through this.”
“You’re mourning the relationship and part of that is feeling anger after your sadness. It’s completely normal.”
“Pain is meant to be felt.”
“You are NOT alone, never feel like a burden.”